Misery

Getting pissed off is always followed with getting depressed.. For me, that is. But it isn't a direct route from anger to misery.

Somehow when I get really angry, the temper fizzles back to normal quickly, but for the next number of hours, it's all I can think about. It brews, broods, simmers & bubbles - all well below boiling point. I can do all sorts of activities at the time with utmost concentration, but the matter continues to cook at the back of my mind.

What it does affect immediately is my appetite. I don't know if it's unconscious or was a conscious thing I came up with during my childhood, knowing that this would be the best way to get back at my mother - who was usually the one I had most of my 'disagreements' with. How better to make her feel guilty. Conscious decision or not, I have no appetite when I'm pissed off. 

Zero. Zilch. Nada. I can go the whole day and more without eating when I'm in a mood. I'm sure that plays a big role in the depression that follows.

There are days when I'm starving & there's just nothing good to eat. Just boring bland stuff, that you have to make do with. And on these days even though I eat the food and thereby feed my hunger, I'm in a bad mood for awhile because I wanted something nice and couldn't get it. Food definitely has an effect on my mood!

And so depression hits. 

I search for reasons to be miserable. And get lost in my phone.

I think depressing thoughts. And go deeper in my hole.

I keep everyone at a distance. And I remain alone. 

And so I really am lonely. And so I reach my goal.

Misery may love company, yearn for it, even. But it's rather self-destructive that way..

How the cookie crumbles..

I get very annoyed at people who cannot bear to lose at games like UNO and Monopoly. I especially hate it when people get all intense while playing above-mentioned games. It's supposed to be FUN dammit and you're ruining it for everybody! When these people win, you'll never hear the end of it. Lose and they go all quiet and morose..

I hate when people make fun of other people like its their god-given mission in life, but they can't tolerate it, when the tables are turned. Its really no fun when you play a joke on someone and they react aggressively.

You can't expect to always be the prankster. People will turn around and make you the butt of the joke. You can't always expect to win either.. its just not probable. Learn to laugh at yourself. Its a very attractive quality ;)

To all those people out there, here's some friendly advice: Get a life. Loosen up. If you can't take a joke, you're better off not dishing it out.

Coz the prank's soon gonna be on you..

Ha ha.

Dippy Doo Dah

It's one of my oldest friend's birthday today, and I am going to dedicate this post to just a few memories that I've shared with her.
In no particular order, here we go:

• guitar class (albeit shortlived)
• pouring my heart out to her as I'm convinced my life is going down the toilet
• my first ever game of bowling
• fighting over boys
• cleaning out her closet, negotiating like ladies at the bazaar over what should be thrown. her insisting on keeping old rags that haven't seen the light of day in years, claiming that they WILL be worn, occasionally falling back on the excuse that something belongs to her mom.
• taking a prime viewing seat for surgeries to be entertained by the explosions of temper
• dog-catching runs
• taking her dad's car out for a drive late one night
• pictionary nights
• paranoia about my first hickey
• being flaky
• late-night drives on the activa
• enjoying the sea breeze at Raman while Rani ate
• surprise purple birthday fruit cake
• SALE time shopping at phoenix mills
• watching Bigg Boss followed by (oh yes!) Balika Vadhu
• cricket in alibaug
• esselworld on ganesh visarjan day
• cooking out of recipe books
• singing that "ganpat chal daaru la" song at the back of kurush's car
• getting felt up by her affection-starved cat
• grammar lessons on the way back from school
• 1-day trip for dog delivery purposes to some far-off village via train (where was that again?)
• climbing up that tree to get felix down
• dancing to that 'dil to pagal hai' song on stage
• torturous practice sessions to dance at my sister's wedding, interspersed with tantrums, and involving minute, detailed study of sample video 
• wearing those hats at the churchgate house
• doing up exactly half her face, to have a two-face effect..
• gossip sessions!

and a million other moments...

Happy Birthday, you twit!

Put up or Shut up

I heard a story of a girl who picked up a bra from her dirty laundry pile and wore it. Her roommate seeing this was so disgusted that she proceeded to tell everyone she knew about it who then further broadcast the story and so on.

I have a friend who takes a bath only every other day and really doesn't give a damn about the whole lot of flak she gets about it.

Now a lot of people get completely put off by these little 'dirty' habits, but if you think about it, is it really such a big deal? I'm sure every single one of us does something or the other, that would disgust other people. We're just conscious about it and keep it well-hidden. But those that air it out, coz they don't really think its something that matters - they practically get the death sentence!

The other day I saw someone dig their nose. Out in public. I was so embarrassed for them! I remarked about it to my friend "ew I just saw her dig her nose, right out here in public! ew ew ew!", to which my friend just looked at me and said "yea so? I do it too.." At the time I mentally gagged but when I had the time to think about it, it doesn't seem so bad. I don't want people touching me with booger-y hands of course, but am I really gonna know about it? People come down with colds every other week around me. I don't stay away from them. Is this really so different?

So what if she wore a dirty bra? It's not like you're going to come in contact with it. Even if you do, go take a bath.. or don't. Everybody skips a bath once in a while. So what if its more often?

Big deal.

If we ostracised people for doing things that disgusted us, we'd lead a lonely, lonely life.

I'll take my disgusting friends any day.. :)

Perspective

Dating low-life assholes has inadvertently made me realize a lot of things.. some about myself.

I realized there's a hu-u-u-uuuuge amount of shit I am willing to put up with for someone I care for.

I realized I don't put up with said amount of shit for very long.

I realized how much I am willing to compromise for someone else's happiness.

I realized sometimes its better to deal with the hurt rather than start a shouting match.

I realized how much it sucks to be the only one giving.

I realized I shouldn't trust people blindly.

I realized sometimes people don't choose to do stupid things they know they'll regret.. sometimes it just happens.

I learned about denial, lies, rumours and self-esteem issues..

And I realized I deserve better.

Love Love Love

There's nothing quite as pathetic as one-sided love

There's nothing quite as pathetic as being in a relationship that'll never go further but staying and hoping for a miracle

There's nothing quite as pathetic as putting off the hurt, that you know you'll have to deal with sometime, that you know will magnify the longer you wait, just so you can stay happy today

There's nothing quite as pathetic as refusing to think about the inevitable end, so as to enjoy the temporary bliss

There's nothing quite as pathetic in reveling in his company for 24 straight hours and then missing him like crazy as soon as he walks out the door

There's nothing quite as pathetic as crawling back after a fight where you know you were right, but you just don't want him mad at you

There's nothing quite as pathetic as knowing you deserve better, but want him anyway

There's nothing quite as pathetic as knowing you should get out NOW, but can't coz you want to spend just a little bit longer with him

There's nothing quite as pathetic as knowing you'd fight for him, but he wouldn't

There's nothing quite as pathetic as needing him

There's nothing quite as pathetic as one-sided love.

IPL!

I wanted to put in my two cents on the IPL team logos. Personal likes and dislikes and all that..

I love the RR logo. Its clean, with lovely colors and just so classy.. But somehow, it doesn't seem right for Sports team. I mean, it could just as easily be the symbol of some Hotel chain or something..

The RC logo looks like its been picked straight out of the top of a beer-bottle-lid. It probably was too.

KKR I can't stand on principle. The colors (over which people are still oohing and aahing) are just too gaudy. And whats with that ridiculous knight/helmet?? Not like they actually come out to play wearing those things.. too bad, coz it sure would've been entertaining

DC and KXIP: Shields? really? That the best you could come up with?  c'mon! This isn't some family coat-of-arms for crying out loud..!

The MI logo is quite nice. Kudos. But the name! Indians? what, this is the only team with Indians? Indians in other teams are only fake Indians? gimme a break..

CSK are the team I support. Now the lion is a little silly, I do think. But hey, at least its not a shield..

DD have the best logo by far. Depicting a whizzing cricket ball in a nice eye-catching red, its just so apt for a Cricket team.

What's in a name.. chap 3

I have come to the opinion that one is not considered a true Tamil-ian unless one has the appropriate name to back up the claim. No, I don't mean names that end with -murthy and -krishnan and the like.. I've actually observed that names with at least 3 syllables are more preferred. There are of course names with the ordinary 2 syllables, but I believe these are viewed with suspicion.

For example:

my name: Bharati Malar - 4 syllables (double thumbs up)

my sister's name: Kundhavi - 3 syllables (pass)

my cousin: Annapoorani - 5 syllables (off the charts!)

my mommy: Geetha - 2 syllables (tsk tsk)

There are some people I know, who I honestly thought had normal names.. For the longest time, I wondered how these people got away with it. Little did I know..

Priya - actually Shanmughapriya

Indu - actually Indumathy

Viji - actually Vijiyavalli

Radha - Anuradha

and then there's my cousin who I always knew as 'Giri'. Turns out that was just a pet name! His real name - Krishna Prasad.. :|

That's part of the reason, why, when we decided our third cat was to be given a Tamil name and raised as a pukka Tamil cat (don't ask..), we picked Palaniappan.. coz you can't go wrong with five syllables.. or something like that :)

Macavity: The Mystery Cat by T. S. Eliot

Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw -
 For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law.
 He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair:
 For when they reach the scene of crime - Macavity's not there!

 Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
 He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.
 His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,
 And when you reach the scene of crime - Macavity's not there!
 You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air -
 But I tell you once and once again, Macavity's not there!

 Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin;
 You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in.
 His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly domed;
 His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed.
 He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake;
 And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake.

 Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
 For he's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.
 You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square -
 But when a crime's discovered, then Macavity's not there!

 He's outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.)
 And his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard's.
 And when the larder's looted, or the jewel-case is rifled,
 Or when the milk is missing, or another Peke's been stifled,
 Or the greenhouse glass is broken, and the trellis past repair -
 Ay, there's the wonder of the thing! Macavity's not there!

 And when the Foreign Office find a Treaty's gone astray,
 Or the Admiralty lose some plans and drawings by the way,
 There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair -
 But it's useless to investigate - Macavity's not there!
 And when the loss has been disclosed, the Secret Service say:
 `It must have been Macavity!' - but he's a mile away.
 You'll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumbs,
 Or engaged in doing complicated long-division sums.

 Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
 There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
 He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:
 At whatever time the deed took place - MACAVITY WASN'T THERE!
 And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
 (I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone)
 Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time
 Just controls their operations: the Napoleon of Crime!

Lost and Found

My cat Felix goes out for walks and usually has to be called back home. I do this before going to bed every night. 

On the night of 11th March, I went a-calling Felix. He didn't come. I gave up and went to sleep figuring he'd come back in the morning in time to eat.

7 AM the next day, my dad woke me up asking me why I left the door open and that our youngest cat, Palani was gone. 

We searched and we searched. For four days. We put up notices. Told everyone we came across to keep an eye out. Enlisted friends to help search. Walked around yelling his name. Strained to hear

the sound of his bell if not his voice.

Nothing.

Monday morning he was spotted by the ironwalla peeking his head out of a pipe hole thing. 

View from my balcony

And so finally, finally, we got him home. And he slept the whole day off..

I think he was pretty happy to be home.. :)

My kingdom for a rupee

When I spend, I rarely need to think about it. Saving up is a task that requires oh-so-much willpower..  So I never thought of myself as the stingy type.

But then there was that day..

After a few long hours of traversing up and down town, I was thinking about how I should get home. The bus-stop was less than 5 minutes away but I was feeling so tired.. Nonetheless, I mustered up my strength and turned toward the bus-stop. But before I took more than 5 steps, my bus passed me at a crawling pace and halted some 3 feet from me due to traffic. I thanked my lucky stars and hopped on.

I handed the conductor a 10-rupee note and he gave me a Rs. 5 ticket and change. 

"Heyy, isn't the ticket from here 4 rupees?" I asked him. He cocked an eyebrow and said, "You got on before we reached the bus-stop, you know.."

And in my head I actually went, "Oh man! If I walked another 2 minutes, I could have saved myself that 1 buck!"

Now that's bad enough on its own. But there's an additional fact that makes it worse. The whole day, the 'traversing' I did from place to place was all by taxi. Put together I'm sure I spent more than Rs. 150 on taxi fare. 

And here I was cribbing about a buck.

So I've learnt I do have my stingy moments.. good to know

Names I've been called (on purpose, by mistake, whatever..)

Now, I realize I have a 'different' name. I do. So I never particularly mind when people decide to call me by petnames. But the things people come up with! Not least my mom..! It boggles the mind.. And they just keep on coming

• Aradrayyar arunachalam
• Asswoman
  
• Batli
  
• Bhadri
  
• Bharatmata
  
• Bharitimalaparzee
• Billivedya
  
• Blabby
  
• BM
  
• BM 6.5
• BMC
• BMP
  
• Brat
• Brattles
  
• Bratty
  
• Bratty-poo
  
• Cat
  
• Catty
  
• Catwoman
  
• Chakkar paani pakkar pakkar
  
• Chancellor
• Color
• Color malar
• Drama queen
  
• Dhoti damsel
• Expressionslos
  
• Felina
  
• Flaky
• Himalay Parbat
• Kootie
  
• Kootie-footie
  
• Lungi lady
• Maami
  
• Mahabharat
  
• Malada
  
• Malan
• Malaree
  
• Malli
  
• Mallu
  
• Mallu papu
• Manda
• Meowlar
  
• Mighty wonderwoman BM
  
• Mobo
  
• Mundu Malar
  
• Mylove
  
• Parvati Color
  
• Periyamaami
• Pipsqueak
  
• Saapad-rani
  
• Sammy
  
• Stoopy
  
• Talumbharsee
• The-lanky-one
  
• Veshti woman
• Wonderwoman

Coming soon to an elevator near you..!

I stepped out of an elevator today, and the person waiting outside shrieked. I looked at her but she just ran inside the elevator so i couldn't read her expression. Granted I hadn't combed my hair, but then I never do.. So do I really look scary enough to evoke shrieks of terror in people?!

My two cents (chaar anna?)..

It's only upto a certain point in life that others can dictate what is best for you (well, somebody's got to when you're too young to know better right??). But everyone comes to a point in life when you know your own mind and are capable of deciding for yourself whats right and wrong. Its at this point where you decide what (values, morals, ideas, pieces of wisdom, whatever you wanna call em), out of everything people have laid down in front of you, you'll actually keep, and what you'll toss. Even if you have a twin sibling, who's grown up with you, been influenced by the same things, who's to say you'll both adopt the same principles? 

Morals are important to us. And not just because people are beaten up, stoned, set alight, ostracized, threatened, etc in the name of morality. Even if we've never thought about it or refuse to admit it, we do need our own set of morals - things that we're cool with and those that we're not. Because at the end of the day, even if we don't care what the rest of the world and even God may think of us, we'll always care what we think of ourselves. Could you ever be happy, when you don't like yourself?

And so morality is personal. You decide your own boundaries. Set your own limits. 

There are of course, laws that have (for the most part) been laid down for peaceful co-existence of our species. Fail to abide by them and you're punished. Period. Obviously, whether murder is okay if you think its okay, is not something I would question. I stand by this: if you want to push the rules a little, do things society frowns on, I think its okay if you think its okay - as long as there aren't any casualties. Nobody should be hurt. Because you do not have the right to hurt anybody but yourself.

Go ahead that is, if you can take all the judging. And there will be judging. 'There's all kinds of people in the world' as the song goes, and the majority seem to think that if they think its wrong, it damn well is wrong! If they wouldn't do it, you sure shouldn't either! If they don't believe it, why the hell do you?? Everyone's got a different opinion and everyone's convinced what they think is all that matters. No room for different beliefs/opinions/ideas.. Judge judge judge..

Judgement is often unconscious. We don't even realise we're doing it. You usually just act on the verdict - you know you don't like that cheapo guy or that slutty girl or that annoying kid. For all you know though, someone out there thinks you're cheap/slutty/annoying. When you know you're not.. am I making sense here?!

Who are we to judge after all? Like good ol' Jesus said, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." There's only one person each of us can judge and that's ourselves. For you're the only one, who knows what is okay and what isn't for you. 

So, to each, his own. You live your life, I'll live mine. You don't judge me, I won't judge you..

Ha! 

Good luck with that..

There's music everywhere..

I get into a crowded bus and am focused on finding a nice 1 square foot of floorspace without (too many) intruding elbows to occupy for the (thankfully not long) ride, when i hear a male voice at my ear sing out "helloo-o-o-o-ooo". I freeze for a moment in disbelief. Am i getting hit on?? Turning around (and it was quite the task, mind you) with eyebrows raised as high as they go (pretty high, in case ur wondering, i have a big forehead u see..) i look the singer-wannabe in the eye.

Well, look who it is..

Its the friendly bus conductor, waiting (not very) patiently for me to buy a ticket. Well he certainly got my attention, alright.. I buy my ticket. He moves on serenading anyone (men, women, children) who hasn't yet bought their fare with hellos. And I'm left wondering if they're taught this in conductor training academy. Maybe they have an optional music course.. or something like that :)

Incredible India?

The following is an extract from the article 'Taste of India' by Vir Sanghvi, dated 15 Feb '09.

Local councils in the Italian city of Milan in the Lombardy region are considering whether to impose a ban on restaurants serving non-Italian food. In one town in the region, four kebab shops have been denied licenses on the grounds that their cuisine is against the traditions of Italy. This bizarre move appears to have the support of Silvio Berlusconi, the equally bizarre media magnate who is the current Prime Minister of Italy. 

Of course, there are all kinds of subterranean agendas at play here. One of the councillors supporting the ban made the point that the owners of kebab shops tend to be foreigners who work very hard and stay open for long hours. This, he said, posed unfair competition to native Italians. Presumably, hard work is also to be regarded as un-Italian from now on. (Or was it always so?) The real agenda, of course, is one that our friends in the sangh parivar will recognise immediately. Each time I am invited to a serious seminar in Europe, the discussion always veers towards diversity in society. After ten minutes of going around in circles, the Europeans get to the point. How do we in India cope with our Muslims? 

Aren't they all fanatics? Don't they refuse to integrate? Aren't they all too obsessed with insults, real or imagined, to their religion? Could they ever fit into any kind of liberal society where people are not expected to wear headscarves? It is at this stage in the seminar that I begin to look superior and lecture Europeans on India's triumphs in dealing with diversity. We've never had that sort of problem with our Muslims, I say. Of course the Muslim community contains a fair share of fanatics and religious psychopaths. But then, so does the Hindu community. You do not judge religions or communities by their nutcases. 

I note that the Council that has denied licenses to the kebab shops has also opposed the building of any mosques within its precincts, presumably because these are also un-Italian and unable to host little snack bars selling Chianti and pizza con salumi. So the real agenda is not about food at all. It is about making life tough for Muslims. 

Think about that the next time some European politician comes to lecture us on the condition of India's Muslims, the need to solve the Kashmir problem and the importance of religious equality. It's all very easy to preach tolerance when the majority of your people belong to one religion; much more difficult when you face the kinds of problems that India has coped so magnificently with.

I can't recall reading anything as simple, to-the-point, perfect as this when talking about the religious issues that are practically everyday occurrences here. And there's just something about seeing your thoughts so awesomely put into words by someone else.. right down to the use of the word 'nutcases'!

When i read the article, I thought about cutting out the article and keeping it someplace, but knowing myself, I'd probably forget all about it or lose it or my cats would get at it, and so on. This way it's safe and i can make other people read it too.. win-win.. or something like that :)

and more...

you read it right - Wasteside it is!!

all hail Leopold Cafe aani Bar!

Sports Bar Aixpress?

better late than never my mommy always said..

will they go down? stay tuned to find out..!

This is just so wrong..!

Siiiigh... Thank you MNS, this is just that 'extra little something' that the city needed. Mission accomplished. Now go work on your next ridiculous demand..

Album covers recreated in LEGO..

Click on the title to see. very cool. I love the nirvana - nevermind one.. :)

positively psychedelic

Is this not the coolest car paint job ever?? :D