Misery

Getting pissed off is always followed with getting depressed.. For me, that is. But it isn't a direct route from anger to misery.

Somehow when I get really angry, the temper fizzles back to normal quickly, but for the next number of hours, it's all I can think about. It brews, broods, simmers & bubbles - all well below boiling point. I can do all sorts of activities at the time with utmost concentration, but the matter continues to cook at the back of my mind.

What it does affect immediately is my appetite. I don't know if it's unconscious or was a conscious thing I came up with during my childhood, knowing that this would be the best way to get back at my mother - who was usually the one I had most of my 'disagreements' with. How better to make her feel guilty. Conscious decision or not, I have no appetite when I'm pissed off. 

Zero. Zilch. Nada. I can go the whole day and more without eating when I'm in a mood. I'm sure that plays a big role in the depression that follows.

There are days when I'm starving & there's just nothing good to eat. Just boring bland stuff, that you have to make do with. And on these days even though I eat the food and thereby feed my hunger, I'm in a bad mood for awhile because I wanted something nice and couldn't get it. Food definitely has an effect on my mood!

And so depression hits. 

I search for reasons to be miserable. And get lost in my phone.

I think depressing thoughts. And go deeper in my hole.

I keep everyone at a distance. And I remain alone. 

And so I really am lonely. And so I reach my goal.

Misery may love company, yearn for it, even. But it's rather self-destructive that way..

How the cookie crumbles..

I get very annoyed at people who cannot bear to lose at games like UNO and Monopoly. I especially hate it when people get all intense while playing above-mentioned games. It's supposed to be FUN dammit and you're ruining it for everybody! When these people win, you'll never hear the end of it. Lose and they go all quiet and morose..

I hate when people make fun of other people like its their god-given mission in life, but they can't tolerate it, when the tables are turned. Its really no fun when you play a joke on someone and they react aggressively.

You can't expect to always be the prankster. People will turn around and make you the butt of the joke. You can't always expect to win either.. its just not probable. Learn to laugh at yourself. Its a very attractive quality ;)

To all those people out there, here's some friendly advice: Get a life. Loosen up. If you can't take a joke, you're better off not dishing it out.

Coz the prank's soon gonna be on you..

Ha ha.

Dippy Doo Dah

It's one of my oldest friend's birthday today, and I am going to dedicate this post to just a few memories that I've shared with her.
In no particular order, here we go:

• guitar class (albeit shortlived)
• pouring my heart out to her as I'm convinced my life is going down the toilet
• my first ever game of bowling
• fighting over boys
• cleaning out her closet, negotiating like ladies at the bazaar over what should be thrown. her insisting on keeping old rags that haven't seen the light of day in years, claiming that they WILL be worn, occasionally falling back on the excuse that something belongs to her mom.
• taking a prime viewing seat for surgeries to be entertained by the explosions of temper
• dog-catching runs
• taking her dad's car out for a drive late one night
• pictionary nights
• paranoia about my first hickey
• being flaky
• late-night drives on the activa
• enjoying the sea breeze at Raman while Rani ate
• surprise purple birthday fruit cake
• SALE time shopping at phoenix mills
• watching Bigg Boss followed by (oh yes!) Balika Vadhu
• cricket in alibaug
• esselworld on ganesh visarjan day
• cooking out of recipe books
• singing that "ganpat chal daaru la" song at the back of kurush's car
• getting felt up by her affection-starved cat
• grammar lessons on the way back from school
• 1-day trip for dog delivery purposes to some far-off village via train (where was that again?)
• climbing up that tree to get felix down
• dancing to that 'dil to pagal hai' song on stage
• torturous practice sessions to dance at my sister's wedding, interspersed with tantrums, and involving minute, detailed study of sample video 
• wearing those hats at the churchgate house
• doing up exactly half her face, to have a two-face effect..
• gossip sessions!

and a million other moments...

Happy Birthday, you twit!

Put up or Shut up

I heard a story of a girl who picked up a bra from her dirty laundry pile and wore it. Her roommate seeing this was so disgusted that she proceeded to tell everyone she knew about it who then further broadcast the story and so on.

I have a friend who takes a bath only every other day and really doesn't give a damn about the whole lot of flak she gets about it.

Now a lot of people get completely put off by these little 'dirty' habits, but if you think about it, is it really such a big deal? I'm sure every single one of us does something or the other, that would disgust other people. We're just conscious about it and keep it well-hidden. But those that air it out, coz they don't really think its something that matters - they practically get the death sentence!

The other day I saw someone dig their nose. Out in public. I was so embarrassed for them! I remarked about it to my friend "ew I just saw her dig her nose, right out here in public! ew ew ew!", to which my friend just looked at me and said "yea so? I do it too.." At the time I mentally gagged but when I had the time to think about it, it doesn't seem so bad. I don't want people touching me with booger-y hands of course, but am I really gonna know about it? People come down with colds every other week around me. I don't stay away from them. Is this really so different?

So what if she wore a dirty bra? It's not like you're going to come in contact with it. Even if you do, go take a bath.. or don't. Everybody skips a bath once in a while. So what if its more often?

Big deal.

If we ostracised people for doing things that disgusted us, we'd lead a lonely, lonely life.

I'll take my disgusting friends any day.. :)

Perspective

Dating low-life assholes has inadvertently made me realize a lot of things.. some about myself.

I realized there's a hu-u-u-uuuuge amount of shit I am willing to put up with for someone I care for.

I realized I don't put up with said amount of shit for very long.

I realized how much I am willing to compromise for someone else's happiness.

I realized sometimes its better to deal with the hurt rather than start a shouting match.

I realized how much it sucks to be the only one giving.

I realized I shouldn't trust people blindly.

I realized sometimes people don't choose to do stupid things they know they'll regret.. sometimes it just happens.

I learned about denial, lies, rumours and self-esteem issues..

And I realized I deserve better.