Talk about rude..

I had the weirdest conversation (although I doubt you can even call it that..) in the lift the other day. There was this girl who I vaguely know of and have probably never spoken to in my life, with me. About 4-5 years younger than me I would guess. Half the journey was made in silence and I could see out the corner of my eye, she was studying me.

Then she breaks the silence with

"What's your weight?"

Me: (incredulous) "What?!!"

Her: (slowly in case I was retarded evidently) "What's your weight?"

I was at a complete loss for words so I did the easiest thing and answered her question..

Me: "50kg"

Her: "Oh.. What's your height?"

Me: "Five seven.."

Her: "Oh.. What's your name?"

I'm looking her straight in the eye now and she has this unreadable smile on her face. I mean, are you kidding me? When did I sign up for this weird elevator interview?? I decided to see where this was going..

Me: "Malar"

Her: "And where do you stay?"

Me: "Meghnad"

She opened her mouth again, but the doors opened on her floor. So she looks back at me, says bye, and scuttles out - leaving me bewildered and not a little annoyed at her behavior.

Parents and tattoos

I've wanted a tattoo for awhile now and recently I figured what the heck, I'm gonna do it! Unlike a lot of people, there's no way I would consider getting it without telling my parents - God, it would be terrible living with them if I did. They'd view it as a betrayal. I figured it wouldn't matter if they approved or not (and of course they would not..) as long as they knew of my intention. So I told them.

They laughed.

Me: No, seriously. I'm actually going to get one..

Dad: HAHAHA.. Tell you what, why don't you go to Thanasiyur and get it done there. You'll save your money... HAHAHA

Thanasiyur: Short for Thanasikounur(I wonder if that's how its spelled). The teeny-tiny-not-even-worthy-of-a-spot-on-the-map village where my dad was born. So tiny in fact that it has one single shop. And what might this one single shop sell you ask? Why, what else but essential items like soda, biscuits and candy?!

And of course this tiny village would have a local tattoo lady who has probably tattooed three-fourths of the village residents (which isn't saying much). I'm talking about those big, intricate, green, leafy tattoos that many women (mostly old) sport on their forearms.

For days afterward, I kept bringing up the topic in front of my parents, in the hopes that they would realize I wasn't joking.

Dad: Where are you going to get one?

Me: On my leg.

Dad: Well how on earth will anyone see it through your pants then?!

Mom (in hysterics): She'll cut a hole in all her pants exactly where the tattoo is..

Both break into laughter while I consider giving up.

Dad: Tell you what Malar, why don't you draw one on yourself?

Me: Because it will wash off.

Dad: OK how about this, you stitch a patch on all your jeans and pretend its a tattoo!

Me(dumbstruck):........

On and on and on it went until they finally realized I was serious. At which time, my Dad plays the 'Dad' card.

Dad:Well, if you want to get a tattoo, fine but not now. You can get one when you're say... thirty.

Mom agrees.

Me: Thirty?!?!? But I'll know better then!

Sigh.

Plums in orbit

Retarded as it may seem, the minute I saw these plums at a fruit stall, I had a picture in my head that they were being sent into outer space. I mean, the whole packaging looks like the shuttle with the plums 'seat-belted' in their individual air-filled compartments.. or something like that :)

The Goops

The Goops they lick their fingers,

And the Goops they lick their knives;

They spill their broth on the tablecloth

--Oh, they lead disgusting lives!

The Goops they talk while eating,

And loud and fast they chew;

And that is why I'm glad that

I am not a Goop -- Are you?

The Goops are gluttonous and rude,

They gug and gumble with their food;

They throw their crumbs upon the floor,

And at dessert they tease for more.

They will not eat their soup and bread

but like to gobble sweets, instead,

And this is why I oft decline,

When I am asked to stay and dine!"

Colonel Fazackerley Butterworth-Toast

Colonel Fazackerley Butterworth-Toast

by Charles Causley

Colonel Fazackerley Butterworth-Toast

Bought an old castle complete with a ghost,

But someone or other forgot to declare

To Colonel Fazak that the spectre was there.

On the very first evening, while waiting to dine,

The Colonel was taking a fine sherry wine,

When the ghost, with a furious flash and a flare,

Shot out of the chimney and shivered, 'Beware!'

Colonel Fazackerley put down his glass

And said, 'My dear fellow, that's really first class!

I just can't conceive how you do it at all.

I imagine you're going to a Fancy Dress Ball?'

At this, the dread ghost made a withering cry.

Said the Colonel (his monocle firm in his eye),

'Now just how you do it, I wish I could think.

Do sit down and tell me, and please have a drink.'

The ghost in his phosphorous cloak gave a roar

And floated about between ceiling and floor.

He walked through a wall and returned through a pane

And backed up the chimney and came down again.

Said the Colonel, 'With laughter I'm feeling quite weak!'

(As trickles of merriment ran down his cheek).

'My house-warming party I hope you won't spurn.

You MUST say you'll come and you'll give us a turn!'

At this, the poor spectre - quite out of his wits -

Proceeded to shake himself almost to bits.

He rattled his chains and he clattered his bones

And he filled the whole castle with mumbles and moans.

But Colonel Fazackerley, just as before,

Was simply delighted and called out, 'Encore!'

At which the ghost vanished, his efforts in vain,

And never was seen at the castle again.

'Oh dear, what a pity!' said Colonel Fazak.

'I don't know his name, so I can't call him back.'

And then with a smile that was hard to define,

Colonel Fazackerley went in to dine.